Thursday, December 3, 2009

Because I said so!

Because we said so.
That's right. You just sit back and put your faith in us. Face it, we're smarter than you. We know what's good for you. We got it covered. We're smooth, cool, funny. Well groomed. Trust us.
Don't worry about those pesky Founding Fathers. They were a morally superior, suspicious of power, self-righteous lot. They trusted in God because they didn't have Ivy League trained public sector bureaucrats like us to depend upon. Listen, there are simply times when government must expand. When we must throw that ole Constitution out the window and modify the rules.
Don't believe us? Well, the great FDR did it. Economic crisis of epic proportions and "poof" new government powers. Rahm Emanuel reminded of FDR's brilliance us when we took control, we mean, when our Administration began to serve you, the American people. See him above thumbing his nose? He was explaining how we could use the economic crisis (that Bush caused) and magnify the severity so we could fleece, we mean, solve the problems of you, the American people.
When we stormed the capital, we mean, began our service to you, the American people, we inherited a mess. That George Bush was something wasn't he? Single-handedly, he destroyed the economy, destroyed our reputation among the socialist intellectuals in Europe and destroyed the housing market for a decade. Don't worry. We've got it covered. He left a big mess, but The President has a mop and though Ms. Pelosi refuses to mop herself, she barks orders like a Teamster (and her language is even more colorful!). And Rahm Deadfish Emanuel is a clever strategist. So far he has figured out how to keep funding Acorn despite Congress's decision to turn off the spigot so we can win elections even though you, the American people, aren't sure you want us to. Trust us, you'll change your mind. And what Acorn can't accomplish through voter fraud, we mean, voter registration, Rahmy boy will fix with the Census data, now that it is under his purview.
Don't you worry. You'll get used to us. You haven't had a chance to see Nancy's soft side. Seriously, she is as harmless as a bunny. And she loves flowers just as much. No, we mean it. She just spent $3,000 of your money on flowers in just a few short months. If that doesn't prove her love for beautiful things, we don't know what will. And that DC-10 she commands the Air Force to make ready for her flights back and forth to San Francisco is what you would expect for a public sector CEO. Unlike the private sector CEO's she's on important business. She is spending your money and she needs to be omnipresent to ensure it gets delivered to the people on our side, we mean, on the side of the American people. You'll learn to love her, we're sure.
Why? Because we said so.

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